There are days when you just feel sick both physically and emotionally. I bet being sick physically is way easier to endure than being emotionally ill– where in your own enemy is your emotion and no meds can cure you 100% that easily. I decided to stay at home to have both physical rest through sleep and find peace as I seek God earnestly today.
While I was checking my inbox to gather some updates from people I cancelled my meetings and commitments today, I decided to send a message to my high school friend. Giving her updates about me then asked for hers. She then said, ” I just finished cleaning up our comfort room. I’m so productive. ” Oh, what a shame for me. A woman who cancelled all her commitments today just to stay on her bed, buried with her pillows and fully covered by her blanket. Then she continued… ” Actually, I have no plans on cleaning the whole comfort room. Yesterday, I saw our mirror in there and it was so dirty. Yuck. I decided to clean it and eventually thought, I shouldn’t just be cleaning this. I should clean the whole comfort room.” That phrase pinched me.
After reading her message I felt God ministering to me in His own special way. You know, my friend’s cleaning process of their comfort room made sense to me. It became a representation of what God is doing in my life right now. For the past few days I’ve been literally crying a flood because I just can’t handle the pain that I am in now. Asking God with lots of ” Why?” ” How?” “What?” because everything doesn’t make sense to me. Don’t get me wrong, I do it not because I question who He is and what He is doing but because I know God can handle me. He can handle what I feel. He can handle my emotions even if, I myself can’t handle it. I can be as real as I can be and He still loves me.
Going back to the comfort-room-cleaning-story, here’s the lesson I’ve got from it:
- When God shows you the mess. (When she saw the dirty mirror)
- When God shows you the mess in your life it might feel unpleasant, awful, shameful and painful BUT it is not meant to stay that way. He showed it because He wants to use you to do something about it. The dirty mirror will remain dirty if no ne noticed it, but my friend did. She did not only saw and recognized the problem but she acted upon it. Knowing that she needs to do something about it. One thing I believe as a follower of Christ: God will show the ‘need’ to you because He need you to take part on filling in the gap.
2. Not Partially Good. ( Only cleaning the dirty mirror)
- The dirty mirror represents a part of our life, the comfort room as a whole. My friend decided to clean up only the mirror and realized that it is not good to clean just a part of it, it should be the whole comfort room to see a good result. On the other hand, maybe God wants our life not to be partially good but good as a whole. For that to happens He need to clean ALL the areas in out lives. He doesn’t want that your only good in your school… in your ministry… in your work… in your relationships… but GOOD as a WHOLE.
In times that we feel dirty, shameful, and broken know that God is still waiting for you with arms wide open. We can only attain it in Christ alone. Apart from Him, we are nothing. We are no good. So hang on, God is up to something and it is always for our better good. Everything is always for our good. In time, He will unveil everything. Everything will eventually make sense.
I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. – Psalm 27:13
Playlist: Broken Prayers